What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 16:50
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
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My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
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But it wasn’t much.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Is it possible to legally adopt a family member?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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(And it was in our own minds.)
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
What happened to your school bully?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What did i know ?
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Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
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She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I said to her
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why do many women wear sleeveless shirts, more so than men?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She was in good health!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Would this be the day?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I never cut or harmed myself..
He resisted the act ,that day.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My family never makes their pension either.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I think the readers, may guess!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was scared of men, in general
She found it foreign!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Who then, do I blame.?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One cannot live in the past .
And i lived it daily.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So, i spoilt her more .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Put me off passion for life!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I write beautiful poetry .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We were not on the streets..
I don,t even have a pension.
When she asked me how she looked .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
This is soul school!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It was going to be , some day.
Ive learnt so much.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was very sick at this time too.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was seconnd youngest,
Im still living with it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was 9 years of age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She wouldn,t have been !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I will be 64.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She loved him until the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I have no regrets .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We all went to grammer schools
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Comes on , in middle age.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She married twice! .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But ive been too sick for many years..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So whats the point in blame.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But, we were locked up after school.
Especially a lifetime of it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Was to survive, this bastard.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
All the time i was locked up.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I waited trembling.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He knew the spot.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..